Make Yourself a Teacher
A little Torah on finding teachers in your life
[Note: periodically, there will be special editions of the newsletter that will have more Torah/scripture content]
I love that Jewish teaching can come from a variety of sources. Perusing through the compiled works of Jewish thought dating back to the time of the Torah, Jewish wisdom emerges from law, as well as story and transcripts of heated conversations occurring over Shabbat tables, and Pesach seders. One of the most widely quoted is the Pirkei Avot, the ethics of our fathers - a collection of ethics, wisdom, and advice from various teachers across the times. In one such a chapter, Pirkei Avot 1:6, a teacher named Yehoshuah, son of Perachiah (literally, of the flowers) said “make yourself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a friend to help you judge all people with righteousness”.
We might ask, who was this guy? He was a sitting president of the Sandhedrin, the high court of the land at the time. We also might ask, what does it mean to make yourself a teacher? Luckily for us, others have also asked this question.
Maimonides (aka Rambam), one of the greatest Jewish scholars of all time, interpreted this as - you can make anyone fit to be your teacher by being willing to learn from them. Rambam, whose teachings have now taught millions, had the insight to believe that everyone has something to teach us, even if that lesson is a hard one to learn. If we can see the people around us as teachers, then we can look at even the most mundane interactions as opportunities for learning. A frustrating phone call with a customer service representative is a lesson in grace and patience, a moment where we make eye contact with a stranger during an irreverently long wait time at the doctor is a lesson in community building.
Approaching life in this manner is…a lot of work. Our default setting is one of survival and self preservation, and we can blame (or thank) our brains for that. In every setting we are in, the amygdala - aka emotion center of the brain - scans for danger. It is much easier to become frustrated at the customer service rep or the long wait time at the doctor, than to shape it into an opportunity for learning and growth. Still - it is an interesting game to play, especially on an airplane. What is the small child kicking my seat trying to teach me right now?
Most significantly, how might we enact this with the people closest to us? Not just the people close to our hearts, but also the people who grate on our nerves. We all have these people - it’s hard to get through a conversation without gritting our teeth, and feeling like this person has been put on the planet to aggravate us. In some instances, we spend hours at night, replaying the interactions, wondering WHY. IT. IS. ALWAYS. SO. DIFFICULT. These encounters are often in contrast to our perceived sense of self. Personally, I could be mulling over a critical comment a colleague made about my teaching- while in the classroom, I’m coaching middle schoolers to practice respectful disagreement and nonviolent communication. At some point - probably after I had my own small humans to raise, and with considerably less sleep per night and less time to self criticize - I chose to lean in differently. The person might still really piss me off, but at least I’m wiling to read between the lines.
This approach also has the potential to bring about a lot of joy. It is not just about giving grace to the people who annoy us, but actually leaning in and listening to the people who matter to us. How do we make teachers out of our students, spouses, children, coworkers, and friends? Every person is an expert in their own experience, and so everyone has knowledge to pass on. My friend who is a special educator can weigh in on cases that my experience may not be enough for; my sister who has a musical ear can guide me in decisions around my kids’ musical progress; my colleague with significant leadership experience can teach me how to have patience, and take little wins as big. This approach, as Rambam surely knew, allows us to get a little bit of Torah in every interaction, especially with those whose teachings we will likely most value.
Another interpretation, the Bartenura’s, says “make for yourself ONE teacher - one teacher from which to learn,” meaning not learn from one teaching today, and another one tomorrow. First, the Bartenura - other than being Italian, which already wins him points for me, was one of the greatest commentators on the Mishnah, the first major written collection of Jewish oral traditions. This translates well to today, where we have so many sources of media blaring at us on a daily basis. One could (and often does) spend endless time sifting through conflicting news sources to try dig out one truth. We also see it in the younger generations searching for spiritual satiety. We see trends of faith-based communities being of importance to folks in their teens and twenties see-sawing based on the demands of time. Now, especially for Jewish young people, connecting to community has become more important than ever. Bartenura’s interpretation leans towards encouraging people to align with an identity. We want to teach our children to create core selves that include spiritual fortitude. Clinically, research done by Dr. Lisa Miller and others has shown that spiritual life is actually protective for adolescents against depression, and other forms of struggles of the mind.
In either case, the drive to find teachers - people who guide us, love us, and nurture us - folds itself into our drive for self preservation. In order to survive, we need both challenge and reward. At the end of a day, every situation and person we encounter offers us a lesson to collect.
Lastly, is the interpretation of make YOURSELF a teacher, which invites each and every one of us to be of service to those around us. Drawing from the uniqueness of a life lived, what can we teach others? And how can we teach it? In what way can we offer feedback so that others will be able to integrate it? Most often than not, that involves actually noticing who the person is, and what they may be needing and seeking. Can we, as teachers, see the individual yearnings of others, and help them become their best full selves? That is a task we can each take on. It is on us to leave both the places and the people we encounter, just a little bit better (kinder, neater, happier, more fulfilled) than how we found them.
We make ourselves teachers by connecting to those around us, by being part of a greater community good, and by offering of ourselves to others. We integrate everything in our sleep, and find out that the greatest teacher of all is the one that is already within us.