Lioness Parenting:
Protection, Advocacy, and Behavior Management
Allow me to start with a story from 1996.
At eleven years old, my “summer camp” experience was a month with my grandparents, sharing a pull-out sofa with my sister and two cousins. Our days were filled with giggles over boxed ice cream, playing with old toys, and enjoying the one hour of children’s TV on Israel’s channel 6. Some evenings, we’d drive out the beach and build lopsided sandcastles as the sun set.
Occasionally, Safta Lea and Sabba Asher would cram us into their tiny grey Peugeot for an adventure. We adored them, and they stretched every shekel to give us the best experiences. Once a summer, that meant a trip to Yamit 2000, a water park with an indoor “Ocean Pool” that had realistic waves, a whirlpool, and a waterslide.
In the 1990s, pools were filled with neon-clad kids and minimal supervision. It wasn’t uncommon to see a tangle of arms with floaties struggling in the whirlpool. I remember the echoing squeals, splashes, and the pitas with hummus and chocolate spread my Sabba made us. The water slide was a dark red tube that spit you out into the rolling water, often leaving you bruised from the jets. It was, of course, the most popular part of the indoor park. Standing in line for the slide meant consenting to being pushed, shoved, and if you were unlucky enough to be small - stepped on by older children - on a stairwell made inexplicably of white stone. This, of course, under the supervision of a highly uninterested “life guard”.
One day, a group of teenage boys decided to harass us in line for the slide. We tried to hold our own, but after awhile, it was clear that they would not let us be. Then they met my grandmother, the lioness.
Safta Lea, though small, had a fierce presence and called herself “Safta Lea Levia - Grandma Lea, the Lioness.”
She saw us struggling to stand up to the boys and decided enough was enough. She cleared the stairs like a lioness in the wild, stared down the boys, and made it clear their behavior was unacceptable and had to stop. With her index finger pointed fiercely out she highlighted the fact that their behavior was unsafe, unkind, uncooperative - and simply quite rotten.
She warned them: stop, or I’ll find your mothers. Needless to say, they left us alone.
When I think about parenting, I often think of Safta Lea Levia. Parenting today is different from the 1990s, filled with concerns about perception, protecting children from all harm, and avoiding trauma. We are bombarded with opinions and doubt from parenting experts, making us obsessed with raising our children “the right way.”
Parenting today is confused - and our heads are crowded with way more information, opinion, and doubt than could ever be helpful. Yet, children are the same today as they were in the 1990’s, the 1950’s, and from the dawn of time - small humans learning how to human.
I wondered, while thinking about this post, how do lionesses actually parent? Was my Safta Lea on to something without even knowing it?
As it turns out, perhaps she was. Lions parent in tribes, they fiercely protect their cubs, and they teach them how to hunt. There might actually be something to lioness parenting.
(I’ll be using “mama” a lot, but it really applies to anyone who sees themselves in the description)
Tribal Parenting:
Lionesses stick together, often with sisters, mothers, and close friends parenting and nursing each other's cubs. They rotate who stays behind to watch the cubs while the others hunt.
Humans are also tribal, but modern life has isolated us. Instead of turning to our family and friends, we often rely on talking heads on our devices. The hardest times in my life, both as a parent and before, stemmed from feeling alone. Without others to turn to, even for conversation, we can lose ourselves in our own worries, following any light that promises relief—even if it’s just a tiny blue screen.
As parents, we need people to share the joys and struggles of raising children. We need someone to ask, "Is this normal?" and hear, "Yes, it’s supposed to be this hard." Without this support, we can easily despair.
The lion mamas around us often influence our children, whether directly as teachers, counselors, and coaches, or indirectly as the parents of their friends. Wouldn’t we want to know how they approach their lion-rearing? Personally, I’d rather be embarrassed by a parenting decision in conversation and learn from others than ruminate on my own.
Having other lion mamas around also offers protection. When we know our friends' cubs, we look out for them. We keep them from harm, celebrate their wins, and care for them when their parents need help.
Much of our parenting conversation happens in private, but bringing it out into the open—sharing it even if it’s deeply flawed—reveals the values of the parents around us. We can then decide if those values align with ours and which pride-mates get to be meaningful adults in our children’s lives. We can often be surprised by where we find alignment—sometimes outside the traditional family tree. Tribal parenting allows us to create community norms—kindness, respect, value for human life, and teamwork—that we work together to instill in our children.
There’s nothing better than sharing a truly embarrassing story from your own parenting and hearing back, “Me too, and let’s figure out how to do better.”
Fierce Advocacy and Protection
Raise your hand if you’ve ever:
Advocated fiercely for your child.
Told another adult how to treat your child.
Ensured your child had the best setup.
Stepped in when your child wasn’t treated right.
Watched their behavior while appearing nonplussed.
Raise your hand up higher, mama lion, you are not alone.
Mama lions fiercely protect their cubs, using cunning methods to keep rivals away. Sound familiar? Lioness parenting involves fierce advocacy and protection. This means:
Partnering with your child’s school for the best outcome, even if it involves uncomfortable meetings. Trust in the collective goal of your child's well-being; if not, figure out the distrust and address it.
Teaching right from wrong, modeling good behavior, and correcting them when they don’t.
Putting aside your own issues to cope with their challenges—whether molluscum, ADHD, or friendship issues. Guide and protect, but also allow them to struggle.
Being aware of their interests, interactions, and influences. You never know where inspiration will come from.
Connecting deeply with them. Understand their fears, humor, daily thoughts, and friendships. Be as curious about their lives as you are about friends and neighbors.
Protect them from serious harm, but let them fall and scrape their knees.
Behavior Management
Lionesses teach their cubs to hunt through observation, practice, and independence. If lion cubs don't learn this skill early, they won't survive. Human children, however, need longer to learn life skills from their caregivers, and here’s where modern parenting trends can fail us. Unlike lions, who consistently teach the same way, we constantly change our parenting methods, discarding old ways for new trends.
Lionesses guide their cubs through a hands-on, gradual process, ensuring they develop survival skills. Human parents do similarly, but over a longer period and covering more areas like communication and problem-solving. Both prioritize gradual skill transfer and independence, but human parenting is broader and more prolonged.
When dealing with bad behavior, focus on reinforcing the positive actions of well-behaved children. Praise their kindness, responsibility, and cooperation, setting a positive example. This encourages misbehaving children to emulate these traits, creating a supportive environment.
Lionesses also show the power of collective parenting, with multiple mothers caring for and protecting the cubs. This highlights the importance of a strong support network, making child-rearing a shared responsibility. Lions also teach the value of fostering independence by gradually introducing cubs to survival skills. This balance of protection and independence can inspire human parents to create secure environments that encourage self-reliance and problem-solving. The lion pride’s approach underscores the significance of communal support and fostering independence in effective parenting.
In contrast to the consistent and time-tested methods of lioness parenting, modern human parenting often grapples with the pressures of rapidly evolving societal norms and technological influences. While lions maintain a steady approach to teaching survival skills, human parents may feel compelled to constantly adapt to new theories and trends, sometimes at the expense of consistency and foundational learning. This dynamic challenges parents to strike a balance between embracing beneficial advancements and maintaining the core principles of nurturing independence and resilience in their children. Aligning with the principles of collective support and gradual skill development, human parents can foster environments where children feel both protected and empowered to navigate life's challenges with confidence.
In reflecting on my experiences and the wisdom of Safta Lea, it’s clear that effective parenting, whether in lions or humans, hinges on community support, fierce advocacy, and the gradual teaching of life skills. Lionesses teach us the power of tribal parenting, where collective effort and shared responsibility strengthen both parent and child. By embracing these principles, we can navigate modern parenting's complexities with greater confidence and resilience. Let’s remember the value of our support networks, fiercely protect and advocate for our children, and guide them towards independence with patience and care. In doing so, we can create a nurturing environment where our children can thrive, much like the lion cubs under the watchful eyes of their pride.