Iterate and Tolerate: Easing Back Into Routine After a Season of Change
On the last Shabbat of the high holiday season, I noticed a little boy crying in the corner of the youth room. This was the same little boy who, over the course of the morning, had been upending chairs, knocking over games, and refusing to sit during our weekly Shabbat activities. When our youth leaders and I approached to help, he kept repeating, "I'm just so tired!" His behavior wasn’t about a snack he didn’t like, or a game that didn’t go his way—it was the culmination of a long, joyful, yet exhausting few weeks of interrupted routine. He was just done . His body and his behavior were speaking out. His outburst was a small but telling sign of how the return to regular school days and early mornings can feel daunting, especially after a period of celebrations, travel, and disrupted schedules.
Embracing Empathy and Connection
As we all navigate this return to routine, it's important to remember that kids (and adults) might be feeling a mix of emotions. Some children may be coming off family trips, others may have spent the holiday season gathering with extended family, attending numerous meals, and shuttling between different events. For some, it might have been a quieter season than usual, with less social activity - perhaps reflective of shifting family dynamics. All these experiences are valid, and they shape how each child returns to routine. Some children may be more tired, more irritable, or just a little off-balance. The interruption to regular school days has likely also meant less frequent check-ins with the professionals that work with many of these kids. As adults, we can create a safe space for them to express what they're feeling—acknowledging their discomfort, confusion, or anxiety without immediately jumping to fix it. Sometimes, just being heard and understood can help children feel more settled.
Try starting the week with a simple check-in: "How are you feeling about going back to school? Is there anything you're excited or worried about?" This small gesture can go a long way in making them feel seen and supported, helping them ease back into their routine with a bit more confidence. We can also reassure them that we are there to help them navigate the dive back in.
The Temptation to Rush Back In
After several weeks of holiday breaks and irregular schedules, there’s a natural urge to jump right back into full days of learning and activities—to “get it over with.” But when we rush this transition, we may be setting ourselves (and our kids) up for more frustration and outbursts. The sudden switch from leisurely mornings to early alarms can feel jarring for children who are still adjusting to their normal school-day rhythm. The return to earlier - or later - meal times, more boundaries on the way they can spend their time, and likely less time spent moving and socializing can also create a sense of longing.
Consider having a family conversation tonight about how you can help each other set up for success this week. What choices can you remove from the morning scramble? Maybe you can pick out clothing, prepare snacks, or get bags ready the night before. Even small, consistent practices like these can help children find stability during these first few days back, making mornings less hectic and more manageable.
Practical Strategies for Cultivating Iteration and Tolerance
So how can we cultivate this practice in our everyday lives? Here are a few strategies:
Set Small, Achievable Goals
Instead of trying to return to a perfect routine all at once, set small goals that can be achieved over time. For children, this might mean focusing on one subject or skill each day, rather than trying to do everything at once. Small, manageable steps can build confidence and create a sense of accomplishment, helping everyone ease back into a full routine without feeling overwhelmed.Create Moments for Movement and Creativity
During times of transition, giving children (and ourselves) outlets for movement, creativity, and social connection can help ease the strain of returning to structure. This might mean incorporating short breaks for stretching, playing a quick game, or even drawing and coloring. These small moments can provide a sense of balance and refreshment, making it easier to focus during structured activities.Build Tolerance for Discomfort
Teach children to recognize and name their feelings, and help them find healthy ways to cope with discomfort, like taking deep breaths, asking for help, or taking a short break. For adults, mindfulness practices, journaling, or talking through feelings with a trusted friend can be powerful tools - or like many of us do, sending reels and memes that cleverly illustrate how we feel. Over time, learning to sit with and work through discomfort, rather than avoiding it, fosters resilience and emotional strength.
Practical Tips for Teachers
For teachers, consider starting the week by easing back into routines. Remind kids of what the schedule looks like, what the expectations are, and where they can find support if they’re feeling out of sorts. Returning to full-time school is akin to coming back after summer vacation—it’s a process that takes time, patience, and understanding. Small gestures, like revisiting classroom rules, re-establishing familiar routines, or creating a calm, welcoming atmosphere, can set a positive tone for the week.
Hey Adults: It’s Okay to Feel Out of Sorts Too!
It’s not just the kids who are adjusting. Parents and teachers might be feeling a little scattered and overwhelmed as they dive back into busy schedules. If you’re finding it hard to regain your rhythm, wishing you had another day to get ready for the week, remember that it’s okay. You don’t have to have everything perfectly in place immediately. We adults also benefit from small, consistent changes that help restore a sense of balance. Give yourself permission to move a little more slowly, ask for help, return to your routines around food and exercise at a rhythm that makes sense - and that doesn’t have you feeling guilty or ashamed. Remember to take care of your own needs, too.
Finding Our Rhythm, Together
As we navigate this transition back to routine, let’s keep in mind that small, thoughtful changes add up to big improvements over time. A little more preparation the night before, a bit more empathy and patience in the morning, and a willingness to adapt as needed can all make a significant difference. With a bit of planning and a lot of grace, we can help our children (and ourselves) find our rhythm again.
Returning to routine doesn’t have to be daunting. It’s an opportunity to iterate—making small adjustments—and to tolerate the discomfort of change, knowing that growth and stability will follow. And when we approach this time with patience and understanding, we’re teaching our children that it’s okay to adjust, to stumble, and to find their way back, step by step. With a little patience and planning, everyone can find their rhythm once more, building strength and confidence that carries us forward into whatever comes next.